Impactful Mothering

Post by: r h in Weekly Wisdom
Imagine applying for a job that would require you to work all day, some nights, every holiday, and every weekend, with a strict requirement to be on call 24/7 for any emergencies, even during vacations (which, by the way, would be minimal, if ever allowed).

Imagine that this job description has an unfathomable list of qualifications, stretching from financial experience to medical knowledge, from project management to intense skills in counseling, culinary science, health coaching, writing, history, English, and psychology.  Imagine that, if the job becomes yours, you’ll be required to provide life coaching while being asked to work as a private tutor and then write scientific papers while providing nursing care. You’ll need to plan to organize other critical projects too, all the while, doing manual labor like janitorial work and dishwashing daily.  Oh, and you’ll need to keep up with your own healthy body, mind, and Spirit to survive this job. This job requires some serious multitasking!

Maybe this career seems like the perfect challenge for you (except for the toilet scrubbing and floor mopping part). Perhaps maybe it seems interesting (after all, it’s possible that you like variety and you don’t mind task variations and working hard)--until you find out that this job pays a salary of $0! Yep, that’s right, you wouldn’t make a dime (at least monetarily). In fact, you’d likely go in debt by taking the job. 

So why would you even consider it, right? Well, many of you have already taken it. The job I’m referring to is the life changing job of, “Mother.”

What does it mean to be a mother? You can bear a child and become a mother. But being an impactful “mother” is really more than that.  The American author, Robert A. Heinlein, wrote, “Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.” Giving birth doesn’t automatically grant women the badge of life-changing mother. Like any successful employee fulfilling their job description with loving detail, a successful and impactful mother is one who can do her job with a measure of effectiveness, while loving the service she renders daily.

Let’s face it, loving mothers change the world. William Ross Wallace had it right when he said, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.” Mothers are typically guiding and directing behind the scenes the lives of every great human. 

Are you an honorable mother? Honorable mothers aren’t perfect. Thankfully, that’s not a part of the job description. Like most jobs we take, we grow with them. We start them having some qualifications and as we perform our required tasks for years and years, we get better at them. 

Lucky for every mother, the desire to love their child is rooted into the fabric of their biology at conception of their offspring and most women instinctively adore and love their kids to the point that they will accept the job with no pay and cling to it above all other offers throughout life. In so doing, impactful women who grow in their role and decide to be effective mothers find happiness above and beyond what could be earned in any job paying a premium salary.

As it turns out, the job of “Mother” does pay! Good mothering pays in neurochemical uplift (along with all the other obvious perks Mom’s already recognize). It pays in psychological development of female self-image. Women are wired biologically to nurture and by fulfilling their innate role, and developing themselves through fulfilling their job description with honor. Mother Nature rewards impactful mothers neurochemically with a nice dose of support from endogenously produced chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin. (And interestingly enough, women who don’t even bear offspring but show up as nurturing caregivers, also have the potential to receive a dose of these rewards.)

It seems this payment of chemical support goes both ways for both mothers and children. In a recent study, researchers linked the sound of a mother's voice to positively impacting youth in stressful conditions. Researchers took 61 children and exposed them to stressful situations. Then, the researchers asked the children to talk with their mothers afterwards, either over the phone or face to face. Following contact with their mothers, the children's’ stress levels decreased drastically. Finally, the researchers found oxytocin released in the youth when they heard their mom’s voice.

(By the way, if you don’t know what oxytocin is, it’s a hormone that helps increase bonding between children and their mothers. It has powerful anti-inflammatory and pain relief properties and is known to reduce stress and anxiety and work as an antidepressant.)

Yes, motherhood at first glance seems like a job no one would ever apply for. But thankfully, we are inclined to take this seemingly fruitless career on and in turn, we find immeasurable benefits as women. And in turn, the world moves on because of us!

If you are a mother, consider reflecting on a few thoughts this week.

  1. Do you love your role, honor and value it, and experience joy because of it?
  2. Are you willing to let go of outside voices that minimize your role and make you feel less than because you value it?
  3. Will you love yourself this Mother's day because you are striving to do the best you can to fulfill your role?
  4. Can you accept that your best is good enough and have joy and rejoicing in your posterity?

If you’re an essential oil user and lover, try applying bergamot, sandalwood, and lime on your heart (add a little jasmine and rose if you have it) and take a moment to express gratitude for the opportunity you have to be a mother!

(BTW. bergamot inspires self-worth and calms us, sandalwood opens us up to expressing our true selves, lime inspires connection of the heart, jasmine and rose together promote a loving female connection).

Happy Mother’s Day to all the impactful mothers trying your best year round!

Xoxo
Rebecca (Becky)
AKA “Mother” to 4 adult children and 2 amazing in-law children, and 3 grandchildren who call me “Mimi” (my new favorite word!)

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9 May 2018